Crawling Back Into My World

Growing up, You could have never told me I would ever be the age I am now and made me comprehend it. Everyone knows they are going to grow older. Nobody really understands how it really happens. It just arrives uninvited. New ideas, feelings, regrets and anxieties jump right up on you and strangle you. It's a new life you have to live and you have to sort of start your life over. Say goodby to the little girl, the cool teenager, the hot wife, the cool mom and well, what now? Crawl back into my world and find myself. Step outside of myself and figure out "Who This Person Is"? Where do I even start? Hold on a minute, This is therapy for me. Give me some slack..... I was created for a purpose. I am artistic, creative, a feeler, I would say. Sensitive, outside the box and down to earth. Charismatic, wearing everything on my sleeve. All of that pushed down and unnoticed as I was growing up. Forced to live a normal life day to day to occomodate the issues of my parents. Never learned about famous artists, never had a craft box or art supplies (outside of color books), never had a journal. I did watch my grandma crochet poodles around bottles but she never offered to teach me. I was intrigued that my dad could sketch such cool cartoon farmers and that he used a tissue to blend colors when he colored with me. I wonder why no one assumed that I may want to try some of those things or be taught to do them? Well, lately I have a feeling that I need to crawl back into MY world and start being who my "Father" created me to be. No offense dad, I know you had other things on your mind. I still love you, can't help it. I'm going to play with my animals more (new horse coming tomorrow) work in my flowers, try my hand at crocheting, and get back to my collage table. I'm going to give stuff away too! We trimmed out a lilac bush a while back. It seemed such a waste when they were in full bloom. Do you know how good it felt to spread some cheer?! .

I haven't had that much fun in years. I'm going back, I'm going to do what "I" want and have some fun this summer